Corn On The Com

BILL'S ANSWERING MACHINE

"Hey it's Don's Auto. Your car's ready. All tuned up. We're uh, open 'till four today. Or you can come tomorrow." BEEP

"Bill? It's Margie Cain, from St. Barnabas. And this is just a gentle reminder that Wednesday is your day to bring the snack for Prayers and Praise. I'm sure you already know but I do this for everybody, just in case. They call me a busy bee over at the bead shop. I even heard nosy parker once! Which is funny you know, because the person who said it was talking to someone else, so I guess I really was being a nosy parker! So snacks on Wednesday, that's really it. And Terry has that honey allergy as I'm sure you know. No idea what you plan on bringing but just make sure there's no honey. She gets a rash is all. And I don't mean to downplay it, allergies are allergies, but I'm just saying it's - " BEEEEEEEEEEEEP

"Hi, Bill? This is Shayna. I saw your recording and got your number. I'm 24, and I'm a brunette. I'm a hairstylist, and I live in White Creek. I work in Easton though, at The Red Room. I called at around 7:30, but I have to be at work at eight, so. Um. I'm 24 if I didn't mention that, and my number is 437 1156. I'm really looking forward to meeting you, 'cause you sounded really nice on the phone - the recording, and I'd like you to call me tomorrow, if you can, after four, 'cause I don't get off work 'till 3:30. Okay, call me. Bye." BEEP

"Bill it's Don's Auto. You're car's ready to be picked up. We, uh, close at five today, open tomorrow eight to five. Closed Sunday though." BEEP

"Joyce you dumb bitch. You dumb fucking bitch. You think I wouldn't fucking know you fucking pile of FUCK! God DAMN. GAHD. DAMN. Ya . . . ya fuckin' . . . ya fuckin' bitch." BEEP

"Bill! Darn, see I just got your message. I was in the shower. I wish you'd hung around for a bit because I'd like to talk to you. I don't know Bill you've got me worried. The way you sounded. I'll be here for another hour and then I have to pick up Loretta but call me tonight please. I'd like to find out what's going on and take care of whatever's going on. You're always welcome here Bill, I hope you know. Okay talk soon I hope." BEEP

"Bill we got the fucking truck man! We got the fucking truck! Oh it's Chris by the way. I mean no shit right?" BEEP

"Hi . . . this is for Bill. Bill . . . my name is Miss Dazzle and . . . and I think your voice is so sexy Bill. Oh I think you're so sexy and . . . and I want to talk to you. I want to get to know you Bill. Billy . . . Big Billy. Call me back Big Billy. It's Miss Dazzle. Call me back." BEEP

"Bill is it's Ronda again. Gosh I really really wish I hadn't taken that shower. I just can't seem to get a hold of you now and I hope you're not ducking my calls. I want to talk to you Bill. I want to figure out what's wrong. Charlie keeps asking me if you're alright and I don't know what to say, and really I'm sure you are and I'm sure I'm overreacting but that's my way Bill and . . . oh just call me back okay? Call me back." BEEP

"Bill this is Ed Fields. It's 9:30, wondering if you're coming in today. If not, I'd appreciate a heads up. We've got a good number of orders today." BEEP

"Bill it's Ed, it's now a quarter past one. I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're not coming in today. If something's wrong, obviously I hope you're alright. But if not. Well Bill, then I'd be a little peeved." BEEP

"Hi Billy. Big Billy. It's Miss Dazzle calling. I want to hear that sexy voice Bill. I want it to fill me up. Fill me up Big Billy. Miss Dazzle baby." BEEP

"Bill? Bill? Bill! Bill it's Charlie. Well you're really doing a number on Ronda over here, so I hope something IS wrong 'cause otherwise this is just plain cruel. She can't cope with all this stress right now, and you calling to shake things up and then straight-up vanishing just isn't . . . just . . . just do the right thing here Bill." BEEP

"Hi Bill it's Don's Auto. Car's still here. Would appreciate you picking it up soon, not a ton of space here you know. Might have to start charging you to hold it. Uh, we're open 'till five, and eight to five tomorrow." BEEP

"Oh Bill I need to see you. I need to meet you and look at you and feel you and EXPERIENCE you Billy. Big Billy. You're so sexy. God." BEEP

"Hi Bill! It's Shayna and um, I just wanted to say I had a really, really great time with you last night and it was so much fun, and I'd like you to take me out again. This Saturday works best for me. Friday's okay too but I have to work until nine, so. But I'm up for a late night if you are. Okay Bill call me." BEEP

"Bill it's Charlie. Well Cathy spotted you yesterday down on Vine street by the Burger King. She spotted you Bill. Strolling around with some girl. Some KID. She told Ronda of course and she's obviously relieved. But she's HURT Bill. She's HURTING. And I can't for the life of me understand why you're doing this. She thinks she did something wrong, and I keep - hey - no Ronda, no - Bill? It's Ronda and I told Charlie NOT to call you. Obviously you need your space so - He has plenty of space! - Charlie please - Ronda he's just being a jerk. You're a jerk Bill you hear that? - Charlie you have NO idea what he's going through! Bill? Bill I'm so sorry and -" BEEP

"Hi Bill it's Margie Cain. Turns out Terry can't make it Wednesday so don't worry about the honey." BEEP

"Hey Bill? Don's Auto here. Pick up your fucking car." BEEP